Survival Guide to the ACT part 2

Enjoying Politics
Politics are the same everywhere and Australia is no different. We have Labor and the Liberals duking it out and from my office I oversee most of the Canberra battlefield, comfortably sipping a soda and eating a cookie while they tear into each other. Living in the Capital, we get most of it on TV as well and it is hilarious, the things people are allowed to say about each other on TV. The leaders of the country "boo-ing" each other in parliament, TV commercials branding the other side as liars and frauds in language that would make even a Dutchman blush and think about law suits.
Very entertaining, but the posturing and hot air speeches get old pretty fast. It's annual budget time in Australia, because for some reason their financial year ends on the 30th of June. No idea why, but probably because it makes them different from the rest of the civilised world and allows for really long summer holidays around Christmas. Some politicians come across as genuine, but not the prime minister. Oh boy, you thought Balkenende was a bad deal?! (he wasn't). Meet Tony Abbott. He is by far the most slick man I have ever seen and without ever having met the man, I disliked him the first time I saw him. He is a unique combination of Slick Rick, Rick James, Berlusconi and Prince, but without the talent or charisma to make it entertaining, so that leaves him with just slick, sharky creepiness. Great man to rule the nation. See for yourselves.

See, creepy.

Loving Canberra
The City does not have a great reputation, is considered boring and not worthwhile. Somehow the mayor took that as a personal insult and has been on a mission to turn that around. I thinks it's working because Canberra was voted the most livable city in Australia for 2013, which is pretty cool if you compete with the likes of Sydney and Melbourne. There's all sorts of cultural festivals you can go to, free museums, parks, a really big fountain, lakes, 1,000 eateries (not all restaurants exactly), free parking in many places, mountains all around, Fyshwick, a big TV tower and lots and lots of big pick up trucks. Everything is close, we have a nice North vs South rivalry going on (without Patrick Swayze) and about 120 different cultures living in an area the size of Rotterdam Zuid. Really, what's there not to love?!

You feelin'it yet?

Dealing with the People
I like Australians, because Canberrans consider themselves to be the least friendly and easygoing and I think they are great already. They're like the Dutch, but with better manners in nearly every situation. They are courteous in stores, apologise for bumping into you, make way when they see you coming, help out random strangers and speak politely. However, two exceptions must be made. 1) Do not let them get in a car, because that brings out the worst in them. Impatience, recklessness, plain stupidity and arrogance seem to be the standard when it comes to driving. Could be that because their cars take up half the road anyway they feel more entitled, but as a Rotterdam Zuid Forever person I do not take that very well. People seem to be unaware that at some time they have to leave that car and loose the protection of all that steel and glass or that it has doors that can be opened. A forgotten blinker on a roundabout or not driving the speed limit or above will get you angry shouts, horns, fingers (not the pinky, ring, thumb or index) or aggressive tailgating. I still hope that someday someone would put their money where their mouth is, but so far, no luck. 2) They should be fined for what they do to their language. I consider myself fairly fluent in English. English! Okay maybe American. It's not that they speak like Crocodile Dundee, they don't. But the levels of torture and grinding they put the words through calls for an intervention by the language police! They apologise for it and happily strangle another word until you hear yourself thinking: "that person is speaking, but I have no idea what is being said"or you gasp in shock, thinking you've been just invited to sexually assault someones dog, only to find out that the other person was asking if you'd like a cookie to go with that soda. Come on guys, make an effort!

That would be me on the phone

Watching TV
Like politics, TV is the same everywhere, except in Buthan, where it's all still very new) and again, Australia is no exception. There are some differences to the Netherlands though. The endless talk shows about football are about Rugby and we have at least three 7 days a week morning news shows, most of them Sydney based and all rather heavy on the light entertainment and human interest. There is a lot of laughter, like "Evers Staat Op", which supposedly makes that tragedy of a family shoot out leaving 5 people dead a lot easier to digest...Fortunately there is however a kids cartoon channel that I really like, because the weekends start at 0600 with some cartoons we did not use to get in Europe. Good times. How about movies then? Well, how about 17 (no joke) commercial breaks during one movie? Yeah, I'll buy the DVD of download, thank you. Commercials are worth a study in and of themselves, so I'll save that for another blog. You could of course buy a decoder or NASA sized satelite dish, but aside from HBO, you'd just get more of the same, so there's really no point. Better go out and have some outdoor fun or buy a PlayStation. Then there's different series of Mythbusters running on three channels and the same goes for the Big Bang Theory, but that runs on 5 of the 15 channels because there's more series available. We've also got "When love comes to town" (Boer zoekt vrouw), the Voice, the biggest loser and some of the series like Elementary, the Blacklist and such. Most of that we've already seen online, so there really is not that much on TV.
There is however the evening news on 7, with Mark Ferguson. Whoever casted that guy for the role should get a really big bonus, because he is everything Tony Abbott is not. If Mark Ferguson told me that we had to make sacrifices for the well being of Australia, I'd believe it. Hell, I'd consider donating an organ if he told me that he needed it to save a life. The man is reliability personified, take some notes Tony, he's on TV nearly every night.

I'd vote for him

Survival Guide to the ACT part 1

Saying that you know what it's like to live in Australia when you live in the Australian Capital Territory (ACT), is like saying you know what it is to be Dutch because you visited 020 once on a stop over to someplace nice. There are of course 'real' Australians in the streets and shops and basically everywhere you go, but it's my experience that there is not 1 Australia, but at least 7 for every state you visit. I thought it would be nice to describe my experiences so far as a 'how to" Lonely Planet style guide. 

Getting around
Buy a car, preferably big or really big, with lots of chrome bumpers and impressive antennas or a 'rod rack' for that one time a year you go fishing. It's an essential. Even though the ACT is small compared to even Rotterdam, there are big patches of nothing in between towns and cycling is not for the faint of heart, because most of it happens on the road. That's right, where the really big cars with the bumpers are. They make you wear those helmets for a reason. Bicycle paths are for sissies anyway. You'll get it after you pass the 4th or 5th remembrance shrine for the unknown biker that gave his life under the wheels of a Mitsubishi Triton 6.0L V12. Then again, road signage is great everywhere, there's mostly 3 ways to go anyways and that's not counting the 4 opportunities to get lost if you're me. You can traverse the ACT from top to bottom in an hour and left to right in 40 minutes, but no one ever does because of roundabout motion sickness. If there was a contest of places with the most rotundas in the world, I am sure the ACT would come 1st 2nd and 3rd. Incredible as it might seem, it does make for interesting driving, using your blinker is optional and drifting to show of the capabilities of the aforementioned Triton is considered entertainment. You do not see a lot of motorbikes, but you do hear them from the other side of the state, as if they need to make up in loudness what they lack in numbers. Public transport is great, both for getting around as well as a anthropological study of the Canberra population. Just make sure you hold onto something, roundabouts remember....

This Ford is considered medium sized and only for the city

What to wear
Dress codes are the same everywhere I've been  in Australia and can be best described as: "Anything you damn well please". The quality of dress Canberra is probably better than most because it's like a mini-Sydney in the centre with about 100 Government agencies (no joke), 25 Banks and 75 Consultancy firms, there's a lot of business wear going around. That does not mean that people know how to make it work. Some examples: No, that bottom button is for show, don't use it! And tasselled loafers are not for business, unless you are a pimp. And no miniskirts are not for the office and no, that "funny"tie is not okay and no that legging is not suited for work (even on casual Friday). And for chris'sakes, learn how to tie a necktie properly, I can do it, so it is not impossible, but yes make it reach all the way to the waistline, yes, aaalllll the way down. And this is an office, not a strip club so you might want to cover that cleavage up just a bit and who the hell wear slippers to work in autumn? I do wonder what people do with all the nice clothes you can buy in stores, wear it around the house I guess. The university students do better, as do most of the immigrants, but it's just a matter of time with them I am afraid. Business casual is really that, casual, so get used to being overdressed.

Okay, maybe

How to shop
First of all bring your car, because all the shops are in one place and that's not where your house is. There's two types of shops. Really big (Think Ikea Delft) and boutique phone booth size. I've mentioned Fyshwick before, that's where all the really, really big stores are, the rest just tags along. Then there's the huge shopping malls, with 2 food outlets for every clothing store and at least 50 cubicles where you can get your phone repaired, upgraded, rebooted, reshelled, reimaged or have a rocket launcher installed. They are always busy Service is great most of the time and there is a lot of choice. Australians like choice and they like cheap, so there is really no end to what you can buy. There is real estate formula that is called "The marketplace"which typically has a big-ass supermarket, a butcher/baker/news agency/pharmacy/tailor/phone shop and massage chairs...It can be surreal to travel interstate and find the same layout everywhere. One weird thing is that if you need high quality shoes or hand bags, you have to travel to Sydney and people do that happily. (4hr bus ride = 20$, awesome, except for the bus part). For the quality stuff, slap on a sticker that says European (meaning Western European, not Bulgarian, Hungarian or Romanian) and the sky is the limit for pricing. Saying something is German is a good thing here and considered a compliment, so do not get angry when they think you are. It's like instant cool and classy....yeah, weird I know. Aussies love to deal on price, so make sure you do it all the time, but not in the supermarket or at charity sales, that is considered bad taste.

This could be anywhere, wait.... it is!

Experiencing Nature
The ACT is just beautiful. A small city core surrounded by small urban areas and lots of open spaces. We've been looking for all that wild life that would kill us instantly and it has been sort of underwhelming. The wild life we've seen so far is mostly of the fluffy and tailed type like koalas, kangaroos, a lost platypus or two, a few dead snakes, a live one that could not even impress a 4-year old and 1 suspicious cow that gave me the evil eye. Oh and 1 spider that could have been a red-back, maybe. The ACT is almost boringly safe, no gators, sharks, cassowaries, deadly snakes, spiders or forest fires. It could of course be that the large population of pick up trucks takes care of that, including the sharks! The ACT is very, very green, there's beautiful views everywhere and the air is clean and crisp on most days. It's the topic of the day when there is fog in the morning and with winter coming on, most people still go about without coats in the many city parks, playgrounds and outside BBQ areas. They bring their kids most of the time, so we stay away from there.

Am I freaking you out? Yeah, thought so

If you'd like to read more, click part two on the homepage.